Here's to the ones who are never enough,
the ones that other people always make you doubt yourself. 

Like me. 

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To the ones that do a million things to prove yourself to others who constantly say you are not good enough, 
yet get called "worthless', "useless" when you make a small failure.
(but they didn't see you tearing your hair out wondering when you would be deemed worthy)

To the ones who constantly lose yourself to keep up with the success of others,
yet constantly get "look at her, she is so much better than you" or "why can't you be like her?"
(no one saw how you were so close to lose who you were, just to be like her)

To the ones who know they have made a huge mistake in the past and try so hard to change, 
yet being constantly told "look, you have never changed" when you make a small mistake
(no one understands that habits die hard)

To the ones who don't get praised for their success,
as much as they get nagged for their failures
(no one knows how defeated you were yet you climbed back up only to be pushed down again)

To the ones who constantly stumble on silly, trivial mistakes 
yet only get back "why are you so stupid"
(no one knows how much you only wished to hear "its okay we all make mistakes just remember not to do that again")

To the ones who always who look back for a hand when they fall 
but only get back "stand up yourself" 
(no one knows how many times we scraped our knees and had to brush the dirt of with our cut and grazed  hands)

To the ones who do 100 good things,
yet is "a disappointment" or "a disgrace to the family" when u make 1 bad thing
(no one is perfect) 

To the ones who endlessly do things for others without hoping for anything in return 
but called "ungrateful" "selfish" 
To those who do things unconditionally no matter if it will sacrifice your happiness
yet people call you "foolish" "pathetic"
(but it made you happy seeing others happy)

I suddenly had the inspiration to post this after reading a post about relationship goals on a website.
I am not sure if this post may be sensitive to a few individuals so do read this with an open mind. The excerpts in bold are from the article I read and since i could not write it any better I decided to just copy and paste the important points.:) 

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That is, what are relationship goals in actual fact?

"You might think you’re allowing the world to see how deliriously #blessed #relationshipgoals you both are, but trust me when I say you and your relationship needs to grow up."

I find myself falling into the category of sometimes wanting to post every single detail of my relationship on each and every social media. I do not know what the true intentions really are behind all those posts. Who are we trying to prove or show that both individuals are happy in a relationship?
We are all slaves to our own pride, wanting to show off our best moments in our life.

"Nobody needs to know your love story in explicit detail, especially its negative sides, in order to be fully appreciated. Unless you’re Kardashians earning big bucks over the drama you make, it does your relationship no good for us to know whenever you’re doing bad or great, even if the great part includes a grand gesture with 50 balloons and chocolates after you’ve made-up-or-break-up for the second time this month.

Learn to balance pride and privacy.

Otherwise, your audience will be waiting with their bowl of popcorns ready.

Your relationship is not a joke and it should not be a source of entertainment for the people in your Friends List, unless you let it."

Having chosen to study in another state is both a thrilling yet scary experience for some. For me it was something I looked forward to as I could finally have the freedom that I have always longed for and the independence to make decisions for myself in whatever I do. 

I made it a point to post something everyday. This was probably something I thought about posting in the car on the way to work this morning. 

 Moving forward. 
I never really understood the importance of this phrase till last year. I came across many crossroads that I myself had to make a decision in choosing which path to take, and that no one else but myself could help me. That meant endless sleepless nights for a few months till I finally could accept reality and finally, move forward. 

It is an indescribable feeling, and only those who have experienced it will know the amount of happiness and satisfaction it can grant you. Although at times I feel a certain bitterness when friends of mine get to live the dream I have always wanted, it does not hurt me as much anymore as when I thought of it the first time. 

I was put in a situation where I had no choice but to pick myself up and let go of whatever I thought could be still a possibility. I had my family and friends who were constantly there to encourage and support me to look on the brighter side of things and that it wasn't actually the end of the road like how I saw it. My dad was the one who made me realize that I had to let go of whatever had happened in order for me to fully accept whatever new opportunities that were headed my way. Not forgetting my mum also who was so worried and rushed to help me get everything settled as soon as possible. 

Some people get things their way easily. They barely have to lift a finger, and things fall into place for them smoothly. But they complain about the silliest things in life when they obviously have everything and anything they need.

Some people work endlessly but in the end things still don't work out the way they want it to be. They look at all their peers who some don't even deserve whatever they have, because they do not know how to appreciate the things that are given to them. They feel frustrated with people who complain when they already have everything under their noses. 

I have been very unfortunate this while, having to learn how tough reality actually is by coming across endless hurdles in life. At one point of time, it was as if nothing I did could be right again. 
But I remember once in AKLTG:
"There are no failures, only learning experiences" 

And I think although it is a challenge, that has kept me going till this day.

My parents: 

When I started off this new blog, I was sure I would have a million things to post about. However, I have to take back what I said as I am struggling to find things I can rant on.

The thing that excites me most is the thought of going back to KL to start my degree. I am enrolling in Uni a year late as I did an exchange program to Germany in 2014, completed my foundation year in 2015 and this year, 2016, I will be FINALLY heading off to university. I remember when my friends and I were in high school and the only thing we used to talk about was how nice it would be to head off to University. Well half of my friends are now halfway across the globe pursuing the degrees they have probably been dreaming about forever.

There are 6 more mondays till I get to head back to KL, where my new Uni life in IMU (International Medical University) begins. I am so glad that everything is finally settled and the only thing I have to pray went well is my IELTS test. If all goes well, then hello to Uni in February.

If not then i have to go sit in a corner and do some self-reflection.